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*Trigger warning – This post talks about pregnancy loss, specifically, my miscarriage experience.
Update From My Last Blog Post
My last blog post updated where I was at in my infertility journey.
I indeed did get pregnant. But sadly (and did you know it’s more common than women let on), I miscarried. I promise I am ok. I knew that getting pregnant finally was only part of the battle. Having a miscarriage before, makes an already anxious situation more nerve-racking. The next challenge was to stay pregnant, which sadly didn’t happen.
Miscarriage is common and real. Yet, when I went through my first one in 2015 I found only solace and information in online group message boards amongst strangers. I was afraid to really share what happened with my friends and family. I told very few people. Emotions of embarrassment, shame, and guilt consumed me. It wasn’t until I wrote my blog post about my infertility journey, that I think I openly shared that part of my life.
And now, finally going through infertility treatments after conquering various health issues, it was exciting when I tested and saw the lines that I am pregnant. We were cautiously optimistic. At our first 6 week ultrasound, we didn’t see a heartbeat, and my RE prepared me for possible outcomes. It was a “prepare for the worst, but hope for the best” mentality, which was tough to wait through until our next ultrasound.
At the 7 week ultrasound, it was apparent right away that the news was not good. And unlike my last miscarriage which ended naturally and quick, this one was the opposite. I needed medical intervention, which only made healing harder.
There are two parts to miscarriage and infertility struggles – the physical and mental/emotional. It’s all tolling. While emotionally I was at peace with what happened, physically my body was making it tough for me to move on. A huge part of my life is working out whether through yoga, gym, or SoulCycle – and to not be able to do that made a bad situation worse.
Life After Miscarriage
But there is life after miscarriage. Everyone heals differently. I cried only twice. Once after the news and second during my first SoulCycle ride back. The science of WHY miscarriage happens is comforting for me (as usually the embryo is not viable), but going through miscarriage still sucks. For me, I just wanted to “get back to normal.” I wanted to just move on so I can focus on next steps. (I actually should have written this blog post a few weeks ago). There is no right way to heal and move forward, so make sure that you do what you need to take care of yourself.
If you are dealing with loss, please know you are not alone. I share my story because for me it’s cathartic and I hope people can find solace and healing. The next step in my journey is IVF and I promise to share that. If you want to share your story, please let me know by contacting me here.
I am hopeful and thankful for you,